My Weekend

It's Monday morning and I've just spent a long weekend sleeping, watching television and eating (very, very slowly).

When I was a teenager I had a great capacity for sleep, something which used to infuriate my mum (to this day I don't know why) but as I've got older my overall need to sleep had diminished. However, since finishing the DELTA, I've discovered a whole new ability to sleep the morning away. The difference is that, as I know I can put in the long working hours when I need to, I feel no guilt or sense of loss if I choose to sleep til midday or later during the weekend. As I've said before, there's little or nothing to do here anyway.

In between the marathon sleep-a-thons, I've been watching television. Now most of what I watch are US crime series (CSI, Cold Case, Close to Home - that sort of thing) with an occasional light-hearted fluff series (The Gilmore Girls, Beautiful People, Men in Trees), all of it eminently forgettable and just what's needed to pass a boring weekend. The interesting part, however, is the commercial break.

I recognise that daytime ads on British TV are not the height of sophistication. How many times do you need to see June Whitfield going upstairs in a chairlift to a walk-in bath while telling you about the new vitamins and minerals she takes to prolong her health and vitality until the day she cashes in the funeral insurance policy you need to protect your heirs? However, in comparison to Argentine ads, June is an Oscar winner.

Typically, the ad here starts by showing you the problems - maybe it's ill-fitting shoes or a sewing machine that's old and awkward to use. This part of the ad is done in black and white with the most incredibly hammy over acting possible, everyone is frowning or miming pain and nobody can stand upright.

Then you are shown the solution - a shoe stretching gadget, a portable sewing machine etc. This part of the ad is done in colour, everyone is smiling and having fun. Every little piece of the device is explored and it's myriad of uses highlighted for your information (a TV dinner table is said to have eighteen, yes eighteen, different configurations - that's three slightly different heights and six different slopes on the tabletop - go figure). A variety of people are shown enjoying the use of the device for a variety of different activities (or a variety of different materials to be sewn together). Throughout the ad there is the same repetitive muzak and, if they have paid for a longer time slot, parts of the ad are repeated (several times). And, and this is the interesting point, at no time are you told the price. To purchase the delightful gadget you have a choice, telephone the number given (for your country) or go on-line. The final indignity is when a product reaches saturation point (or hasn't sold well), then the two for the price of one offers appear. Now, I can understand two shoe stretching devices - most people buy their shoes in pairs - but two portable sewing machines?