Smiling

M left this evening to fly back to Milan. She said something today which has had me thinking. She said that when I speak to people (in shops and restaurants etc.) I don't smile. I immediately denied this but, on reflection, she has a point.

It is true that when I'm with someone else or in a strange situation I don't smile at people, even when I'm transacting business. I think this is partly because fundamentally I'm not very happy here but also because I don't like getting drawn into conversations where I have no idea of what is being said.

I don't know if it's a British thing or just me but I find it difficult to have a conversation with someone when I don't fully understand them. The other difficulty is that Argentine turn-taking customs are very different from British ones and often people will speak at the same time and/or repeat themselves three or four times. The repeating part sounds like a good thing but it doesn't give me time to process what is being said because I can't be sure that the other person is repeating themselves so I'm always listening out for new information/clues to what is going on. And I need time to process the information!

The chances are that if the conversation was written down or if the person spoke slowly enough, I would probably understand but, obviously, neither of those is going to happen; even if you ask people to speak more slowly they will start slower but within a few words will be speaking at their normal speed (unless they are teachers - and what are the chances of that?) and you can only ask someone to repeat themselves so many times before they get frustrated and give up.

I also find it confidence shattering when I know I'm saying the right thing (and with the right pronunciation because I've practiced) only to have them look at me blankly because I haven't spoken loud enough for them (Argentines voices tend to be higher pitched and louder than the average Brit). In fact the only time people have paid attention is when I've lost my temper and started talking to them very loudly (relatively speaking) which they see as normal and I find highly embarrassing.

Anyway, this point of all this is that I have a New Year resolution which is to smile at people when I speak to them and to speak loudly - even if it means looking a fool!

(very scared now)