Honesty

Ok, where do I begin?

When I set up this blog it was to serve two purposes. The first was to let everyone know what I was doing in BsAs and the second was to reassure those who love me that I was fit and well and not going mad. I know it hasn't suceeded particularly well in meeting those purposes.

Partly this is because I don't really do very much here. My journey to work is so short that there isn't time for anything interesting to happen - how many times do you want to hear that I stopped at the kiosk to buy water and waved to the encangardo in the adjoining building? - and, often, I just come home from work and crash in front of the computer.

In addition I haven't been completely honest. I have a habit (and I'm not going to discuss how this came about) of concealing my feelings. This is mainly because I don't want to worry those who love me (yes, mum, I'm talking about you) but also because I don't like having to deal with the distress of others when they find out I'm not a 100% happy bunny. I find it more draining to deal with another's need to talk about my feelings and 'solve' my problems. Often my problems aren't solveable, they just have to be endured until they have gone, and I'm very good at enduring.

However, being so far from friends and family, I have realised I need some kind of outlet for my feelings. The more perceptive of you will have picked up on my allusions to loneliness and lack of like-minded people but I hope I've been careful enough that this hasn't been a recurring theme in my blog. But this is my blog and I should be free to write whatever I like, without having to deal with other people's emotional fall-out. I know from experience that writing about how I feel brings relief and also puts things into perspective for me. Often, the mere act of putting pen to paper (or keyboard to software) is enough to shift me out of whatever downer I'm in.

So I guess this is a heads up. The blog may get a little more whiney, more 'poor me', more 'what the bloody hell am I doing in this godforsaken country'. Should you feel inclined to try to discuss those posts with me, ask yourself this question...

Am I (the reader) doing this to try and help Shiralee or to reassure myself?