Gymtastic

You don't half see some funny things at the gym. Normally I go quite late in the evening when it's relatively quiet but today, being Friday, I thought I'd go a bit earlier, get it out of the way so to speak.

OH MY GOD!!!! (sorry about the punctuation abuse but OMG!!!)

A bit of background here: I'm not very adventurous at the gym, I have a treadmill I like and I pound the hell out of it for about an hour - no, I don't run, I just walk quickly. All the treadmills are arranged in fours; two side by side facing another two side by side with room for people to walk down the middle (oh work it out for yourselves, it's standard gym stuff). Anyway, the upshot is that you end up staring into the face of someone who is also using a treadmill. Now many people are able to look around when walking/running but not me. I have the most terrible sense of balance and even moving my head puts me off kilter so straight ahead is where I look, always.

So I'm nicely settled in, mini-disk blasting away (I hate the music the gym provides), staring straight ahead and a women gets on the opposing treadmill. Nothing unusual there I hear you say, true I reply except she is still carrying her handbag and as she starts the treadmill going, the handbag is hanging from her shoulder. In fact it stays there until she works up a sweat and has to take off her fleece whereupon both bag and fleece are casually thrown on the floor regardless of the inconvenience to others. Then, once warmed up, she starts running. Now I know that men find it difficult not to be distracted by breasts but I thought I was immune (after all I have a fine pair of my own) however I could not stop watching this woman's boobs. Bouncing up and down, up and down - and not together - and I started getting dizzy; bad balance and bouncing, not a good combination. I wanted to shout 'Get a decent sports bra' very loudly and several times. Unfortunately I don't speak Spanish so I just had to adjust my sights and concentrate on the handlebar in front of me.

After twenty minutes she upped and left. Whoopee I thought but, no, oh no. Who should get on the treadmill next but an elderly gentleman in shorts and singlet. Ok, not a problem - he looks old enough to be my great grandfather. He's stringy but obviously works out regularly, and being stringy, he won't bounce. And indeed he didn't bounce. What he did was incorporate moves that would have made a baton twirling majorette proud. I move my arms as I walk (if I don't the blood collects in my hands and they get stiff and swollen) but this guy was flinging his arms high over his head so that at their extremes they were 180 degrees apart. This manuveoure meant that he had to walk at the end of the treadmill and I swear it was only luck that stopped him from falling off. After 30 seconds of this my eyes were firmly fixed on my handlebar lest I burst out laughing, fall sideways off the treadmill and make a bigger fool of myself than he was making of himself. Luckily, he gave up after about ten minutes and was replaced by a rather well-built, muscular young man.

There is something very satifying about watching a well-built, muscular young man run.