Childish Things

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Corinthians 13:11

I've been pondering on whether to post on this subject. I don't know if I want to post because I need to express my feelings or whether it's because I'm hoping the person in question will read this and act on it.

Some of you will know that while I was in Italy I met and fell in love with someone. Of course, as is the nature of my life, he was (is) married with two daughters. He is also a workaholic and emotionally unavailable. Although I tried to find compromises which would not impact on his family and work, ultimately it wasn't possible. I was willing to compromise, he wasn't.

This man is the only one I've ever really been in love with, the only man who I've ever wanted to have children with - and I realise that this is never going to happen.

One of my reasons for coming to Argentina was to put distance between me and him; to see if my feelings were true; to see if he had any real feelings for me; to give us both breathing space. And what I've come to realise is that no matter how I feel, the feelings are not reciprocated.

So now it's time to move on, to remove his photo from my phone, to remove his hold on my heart. I've only a few more tears to shed, a small flicker of hope to extinguish and several deep breaths to take.

Wish me well.