News from the front

Hello there

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, I've kinda been avoiding it. Truth is, things aren't wonderful here. Don't get me wrong, it's not a hellhole but it's not the great place we were promised. Mostly it's to do with work. The main problems are the hours we all have to work, the inability to find a routine, the lousy pay and the attitude of the students.

To take these things in order: I teach 21 hours a week plus 90 minutes standby (when I might have to teach for someone who's off sick). Nothing unusual there - I've never taught fewer hours than that in a full time job and often taught more. The problem is that it is compressed into four days and two of those days are split shifts which means that Mondays and Wednesdays I have twelve hour days. Although I have those afternoons off, and can go home very easily, there doesn't seem to be any switching off. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have seven hour days with a 45 minute break in the middle, which is just about enough time to have something to eat and a cup of tea before packing my bag for the next lessons. And that's just the teaching. On Fridays we have meetings. Supposedly only lasting one hour but (as we don't have them every week) invariably lasting much longer. Friday is also the day on which I try to do my lesson planning (not easy as I'm easily distracted at work), mark homework and have a Spanish lesson. So Friday is not an easy day either.

On top of all that is the pay. We were told that approximately 20% of our salary would go on expenses (which everyone took to mean rent, service charges, utilities etc). I knew that by choosing to live alone I would pay a higher percentage but the reality is very different. I actually pay 40% of my salary on rent and service charges. Utilities etc are on top of that. I've had to buy a washing machine to save money (and my clothes). I'm used to operating in a cash economy and I'm very good at keeping to a budget but, in all the time I've been teaching, I have never before had to stop and think "Can I afford that?" I don't have extravagent tastes and I did expect to be able to save some money for travelling, now I don't think that will be possible. I'm not the only one who feels this - in fact the whole of the teaching staff is up in arms about the salary level and this is having an adverse effect on morale. Two of the people who travelled over with me have resigned and are leaving early in July. The reasons they have given are the poor salary and the lack of teacher development.

In addition, there is the attitude of the students. On the whole, my students are friendly, enthusiastic and hardworking but they constantly complain of tiredness. I understand this, I'm tired myself but I'm thirty years older than them and I still get up on my hindlegs and teach. I am sick and tired of hearing "Oh no, can't we do something else?"/"Noooo, I don't want to,"/"It's impossible" and similar such phrases. Nobody makes them come to the lessons (even the youngsters are there by choice) and when asked what they would prefer to do, they have no answer. Things reached a head tonight with one of my favourite groups and I ended up walking out of the classroom. One of the students followed me to tell me that I shouldn't be upset or frustrated but that they were tired. I asked her to go back into the classroom and get the class to decide what they wanted to do in lessons. When they came and got me 20 minutes later, it was to show me some work they had written on the board in a misbegotten attempt to do the task I'd asked of them originally (but which was nowhere near what I'd actually asked them to do either before or after leaving the classroom). They all looked at me as if expecting pats on the back for managing to write about fifty words between them. I read what they had written and told them I was ending the class early. They didn't want to leave but I didn't want to talk to them. I left the classroom before they did and when I went back five minutes later (I'd left something behind in my haste to exit) they were still there. I told them to go home and that we would talk about it at the beginning of the next lesson. The shitty thing is I have to go through this whole process of talking to a class about their attitude tomorrow night as well - and if you think you see a pattern developing, I'm not the only teacher having to do this.

Finally, I'm lonely here. Don't get me wrong, my colleagues are friendly but I don't remember having a good belly laugh in all the time I've been here. Actually having a decent conversation is next to impossible. Everyone is so tired that no-one can summon the energy to participate in or maintain a conversation about anything other than work. Even L (who I socialise with quite a lot) often drifts off in the middle of a conversation.

So all of this has made it difficult for me to get to sleep. My old friend insomnia has returned and the only thing that stops me from using the computer at 4am is that the virus and other checks are running. One thing I am sorely tempted to do is go out for a walk. BsAs (or at least where I live) is safe and always busy. Maybe the fresh(er) air and exercise will do some good.

I want to start going to the gym again but given the choice of going at 10pm, getting up early or staying in bed to get some extra sleep, guess what wins. I know from experience that going to the gym will give me more energy, allow me to sleep more easily and make it easier to to cope with the crap I meet on a daily basis but it's very difficult to summon up the energy.

A note to anyone thinking of visiting me here, don't buy a ticket until September because I won't know if I'm staying for the second year until then.

Send me cyber hugs and wishes, god knows I need them.